No one likes a friend who brags about being rich or constantly complains about being broke. The Miss Manners in me never liked to speak about the specifics of my money problems. After all, we’re all taught that mixing friends and money is never a good idea.
But what would change if we were more transparent in everyday conversations about the realities and problems we all face: credit card debt, student loans, paying bills and taxes, saving for retirement, and managing investments? Would friendships really end?
Money problems and disputes can end friendships, but the actual cause of money being an uncomfortable topic for discussion is usually buried in emotions attached to how society values people. Perhaps the greatest evil of capitalism is that it makes people feel like the amount of money they earn or have (their market value) reflects their self worth or importance. Thus, money is a topic that strikes a personal chord with us all: how much are we worth?
Find Your Real Friends
You might come across friends who can’t handle conversations about money, because they buy into the idea that money reflects their self worth. They brag about the nice car they can afford, or the dollar amount more that they have in savings compared to you to make you feel bad. Other friends might complain about how little money they have and how it’s unfair that you or others make more money. These friends think money reflects their value and want you to believe the same by making you feel bad if you don’t make as much money as them or if you make what they perceive as beyond your worth. With real friends, money isn’t a measurement of self worth.
No one can deny that money has great benefits. We all strive to increase the amount of money in our bank account, but real friends cheer you on during this journey without forgetting that money is not what makes you important or valuable. If you start talking about how to budget to pay off your credit card debt or pay off student loans before you’re 30, and your “friend” gives you the stink eye, you might be surrounding yourself with the wrong friends.
Surrounding yourself with real friends who believe in your ability to get out of debt, land a great job, or save/invest for your retirement is the first step to being able to talk about money with friends. Money talk isn’t usually the problem; it’s the friends.
Learn From Each Other
I’ve always talked about money with friends through conversations about shopping: the amount of money I spend on products and ways to save in shopping. But from time to time, I would hear a friend mention an awesome credit card promotion, or I hear a friend say she made a lot of money investing in one stock. I felt awkward asking about their financial portfolio or how they paid off their credit card and student loans so quickly, but I figured, if I’m comfortable asking them about the deal they got on their new computer or designer purse, then why not ask about how they save and make money?
You quickly learn which friends manage their debt and wealth in a similar fashion as you hope to or already do with your own. Why not learn from them or share your ideas to help them? The times I have asked for advice or thoughts on financial management, it’s amazed me at how much information I gain and how much support I receive from my friends. I’ve had spreadsheets emailed to me to help me figure out how to budget and calculate my monthly expenses and savings, heard about so many new budgeting apps, learned how make the most of my saving and retirement funds, and also had friends to turn to when tax season came around to ask the most basic or complex questions about itemization or ways to save.
Keep Each Other Accountable
Though you might rely on family and/or an accountant to help you figure out how to manage finances, you should also be able to count on friends to keep you on track to reach your financial goals. Money talk with friends doesn’t mean you have to reveal all the details of your investment portfolio or the dollar amount of your credit card debt or student loans, but it means you both recognize that financial management is important. Money talk isn’t about nagging each other to save more money or criticizing each other’s spending habits, but about informative, encouraging, and supportive conversations. These conversations and shared interest in money management keep you aware of your financial performance so that you can’t sweep money problems under the table.
Friendships are built on empathy, or the understanding of each other’s feelings or experiences. Money and personal finance affects us all, so why not strengthen your friendship by sharing your experiences and feelings about money to ensure that you both can succeed? By talking about money with friends, you can build a supportive community to help you become more financially responsible.
How has money talk with friends helped you?
SOURCE: ReadyForZero Blog – Read entire story here.
